Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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