The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
