i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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