Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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