after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
