OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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