im holly from the hills drunk
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
