my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
