So drunk its hurt
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
