I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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