You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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