Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
