I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
