she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
