You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
