Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
