I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
