he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
