And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
