I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
