Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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