I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize