One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dear god my vagina.
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