He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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