I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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