I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
