Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
