so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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