Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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