There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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