we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
