I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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