My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
