her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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