In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Soap is not a condiment
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
this is an emotional support booty call
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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