guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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