is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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