Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize