I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have tasted many bathrooms
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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