I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
