I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I lost the right to judge tonight
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
