Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
