ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
