If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize