I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My breath smells like gin and sadness
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
