Christians are straight up FREAKS
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
