if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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