I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
