I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
