apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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