Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She bit a glass in half.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
