Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it because I queefed?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
