I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
