Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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