"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
