Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
