My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
