The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Sober January is a disaster.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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