is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
