if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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