I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
