Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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