you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
