Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
