dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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