all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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