no, he came in my armpit
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize