Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
