Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize