She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
